I'm married to my husband for about 8 years now, I just talk to my mother on the phone last night, she still hasn't seemed to be approve our marriage.
I was stuck in an arrange marriage, 8 years ago. My parents want to married me off to their best friend's son, but anyways I eloped with my husband instead, since we really loved each other. She said she had never forgiven my betrayal since, she behaved this way in front of my husband and innocent son. My father said infront of my husband many times, that he just earned him self a cash cow( I just graduated from my program) and when we got pregnant, I called my parents, the first thing she said is go get an abortion- she think I would worth more, if I don't have a baggage after I divorced him.
I so sick and tired of their cruel comments, but I can't dump them because they're my biological parents and my son is growing up around this cr*p what should I do?
What should I do with these cruel comments? Your parents are part of a different era. Chances are arranged marriages were normal, part of the custom of not only your culture but also your religion. I am glad that you stayed with and married the man you loved. Your parents are the exact same as many others of their generation, who have their background. You need to go to your parents and explain to them that you love them and care about them so much. Then you need to tell them that you know they did not approve of you marrying the man you married but you loved him and he loved you. That you do not in any way regret marrying him because of the sweet loving little boy you two have together, which is their grandson. Then tell them how much he loves them and how he talks about them or acts when he hears they are coming. (That is if he gets happy and talks about how much he loves them or how happy he is, he is going to get to see his grandparents). After you have done that you then need to act like a grown woman, and explain to your mom and dad that you do not like the way they talk about your husband, and the father of there grandchild. That you do not deserve the cruel and hatful comments they make about him. (if they are doing this in front of your son then you may want to tell them that if they keep saying bad things about him in front of your son, you will just have to not allow him to be around them, and that would break your heart and his) Tell them he is a good father and a loving man towards you. That he treats you with respect and love and has never cheated on you or done things to hurt you. You have to show them that this is hurting you so much inside, and has the possibility of hurting what relationship they have with their grandson. Tell them you want to be a happy family who love and care for one another. You just have to talk with them and make yourself clear and be respectful of them at the same time. They do not have to like your husband, but they can at lest be nice and not say mean things about him in front of you and their grandson. They could be polite and nice to your husband, for your sake and your son's sake. I do know a couple, she is Japanese and he is American. Her father never talked to him or acknowledged him. The reason was because he was American. It made her life hard when they would all go back to Japan and visit. There is no reason that, that had to be that way. It was just stupid. You have to stand up for your family and do so in a respectful manner, but still get your point across to them. Good luck sweet heart.
What should I do with these cruel comments? i would distance myself a little bit from my parents, don't call them, just withdraw emotionally from them, though you should still be polite.
Also you should be very strong, confident and proud in yourself, maintain your own dignity at all times. At family events be polite but distant.
Let them miss you a little bit so they will maybe make an attempt to contact you for a change or realise what life is like without you. It may take a long time but that's what I would do. By not contacting them as much or making the effort you give them less of a chance to be cruel and maybe it will make them think about how they treat you. when and if they ask why you no longer call or come around as much, you can tell them calmly why you will not put up with it any longer.
What should I do with these cruel comments? You are constantly looking for their approval of your marriage and your life and all you get in return is anger and disappointment. Honestly you are doing this to yourslef. Don't dump your parents, but keep them at a distance, you don't have to involve them in your life about every thing you do. Distancing yourself from you parents will let you focus on your husband and your son. I just don't only mean mental distance, also if you live close to them then move further away.
What should I do with these cruel comments? My parents would never be foolish enough act like that, they know I would never tolerate such foolishness. If they did, I wouldn't have anything to do with them, it's that simple.
My son will always come first in my life and I'll be damned if I would allow anyone in my family to bad mouth my son in such a way and I would have no qualms about removing the offending parent(s) from my life.
What should I do with these cruel comments? I'd divorce the parents... limit your contact with them... every time they make a derogatory remark about you... cut off communications for awhile...
What should I do with these cruel comments? if you dont call it off with your parents, your child and you and your family are gonna have to put up with their cr*p for ever. Have you thought about the things they may start telling your son when he is older, things behind your back. This is not a healthy thing for any of you.
What should I do with these cruel comments? u know, i heard so much comments ( family yes but at the very very very beginning of my relationship with my fiancee now, they dont comment any more , they love her) all other comments from other people.
best way to handle that is to close ur ears, ignore them, grab ur husband and all the energy u got in u , take it out in bed, HONESTLY im not joking.
family is important but since u r married , u and ur husband has became one ONE , nothing to separate u both and always keep the love in ur home and never make ur son see such bad things ok ??
Good luck and GOD bless u both, protect ur family and love thme more and more.
What should I do with these cruel comments? I don't understand why biology is keeping you from dumping them. They clearly don't have any respect for you or your ability to choose the life that you want to live.
You need to figure out why you would let anyone talk to you that way - and biology is not a good enough reason.
Get some therapy and work it out.
Good luck!
What should I do with these cruel comments? What country are you in? You did the right thing. I think your husband must be a saint to tolerate the cruel comments. What your son is learning when he hears these comments is not mentally healthy for him.
Advise your parents you love them, but if they continue to make the cruel comments, you will not come over until they accept your marriage, and you will not expose your son to their cruelty. Make them accept the fact the Cash Cow has left the pasture.
Then be prepared to back it up. Visit them only when you have to.
What should I do with these cruel comments? You need to distance yourself from them!! Wow they are a peice of work!
What should I do with these cruel comments? Your son has to come first now. Stop worrying about what your husband's parents think of you or what your parents think of your marriage, and start worrying about the impact this madness will have on your son one day.
You need to remove negative influences from your son's life. If that means cutting off contact with your parents and/or your husband's parents, so be it. If they ask about it, explain to them that you can't let your son grow up in such a negative atmosphere...if they can't accept you, your husband, or your marriage after eight years, then let their stubborn bitterness be their downfall. I'm sure you guys have lots of friends who love you and support you.
What should I do with these cruel comments? Hun, you are an adult. By what you've written, neither of the parents involved seem to accept you or your hubby as adults. My suggestion is to have a sit down with all parties involved and explain to them that if they want to continue to be a part of your lives, they will keep their disapproval to themselves because you don't need it. Otherwise, show them the door and have no further contact with them. I know it's hard because they are your parents, but their motives are screwed up. If they give a crap about you at all, they'll stop what they're doing or leave. Good luck.
What should I do with these cruel comments? I agree with Blossom, your mother does not have the right to decided whats best for you as an adult-only you can do that. Mothers who were boss for a long time have a hard time letting that role go, it also probably makes her feel important and in control. This is no reason to let her inappropriate behaviour go on. She is abusing your little boy by badmouthing his father in front of him. This is disrespect.
You do not have to put up with that just because they are your parents. You have a right to be respected as an adult, and as the the ultimate decision maker of your own life.
Explain to them that this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated and that you will not be visiting to expose your son to this kind of abuse should they continue.
Good Luck
What should I do with these cruel comments? You have to respect your parents only up to a certain point. You only have to obey your parents up to a certain point. Tell them if they continue to offer these comments on your marriage then you will no longer talk to them.
You made the right decision to marry for love. This is the twenty first century.
What should I do with these cruel comments? You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family- sadly.
Its YOUR LIFE. Distance yourself from your "family".....they are not healthy for you.
What should I do with these cruel comments? Put yourself, your husband, and your child first. They are your family now. I know it's hard I really didn't talk to my Mom for a few years because she made comments about my husband in front of him. Now we have a good relationship and she keeps those opinions to herself. I would let them know since you are an adult now too, that their behavior will not be tolerated any longer and if they want to be apart of your life they will have to accept your decisions period. It's not up for their approval or condemnation.
What should I do with these cruel comments? What do you mean, what should you do? I don't care who they are, that's your child their taking about.
Such words would only be said once, after that they would be written off.
What should I do with these cruel comments? Good for you for not listening to your parents on not getting married to whom they wanted you to marry. I know they feel betrayed and hurt by your refusal to follow in this tradition but it is your life and you had the guts to do what you felt would make you happy. You say you do not want to cut all ties with them because they are your biological parents? Then the only thing you can do is limit your time and conversations with them and not involve your husband and son in their lives. This was their fault, they cannot expect for you to involve your husband and child into their verbal abusive comments. I am sure you already have expressed your hurt by their comments to no avail, so no use in dragging that along. Just keep your visits with them brief and short. God Bless!
What should I do with these cruel comments? IT's hard when parents make comments like that. If this doesn't stop then I would stop all contact with your parents. I know that it is hard, but sometimes... that is the best thing to do.
Also... I would write your mom and dad a letter and let them know how you feel. If this doesn't help then... I wouldn't contact them anymore.
I know it seems like, "How can I do that, they are my mom and dad?" But... sometimes it's the best thing to do. You don't need that type of pressure on you. You have something in your life that is so valuble and needs you more than ever... YOUR SON. Focus on him.
It sounds like your family is very old fashioned. They were probably raised that way.
I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you and your family.
I would also look into getting some counseling and talking with someone during this time.
What should I do with these cruel comments? Reach around behind you back. Feel those bumps in the middle, that is your spine - use it.
Your FIRST duty is to your husband and child.
You most certainly CAN dump your parents. You need to be a WOMAN and not a little girl. Tell mom she plays nice with your family, husband %26amp; son, or she is OUT.
You are the mother now. Protect your family.
(And when your son marries a girl you don't especially like - be nice.)
What should I do with these cruel comments? Old fashioned oriental philosphy I see. The old "marry who we say because its good for the family' routine. Its too bad that some cultures can't seem to shake this arranged marriage thing in favor of conceding that their offspring (in this case, you) is more than content with her life and happily married to someone for love and not personal or material gain.
Although you say you can't end all contact you can distance yourself from them. It'll never change. People have these old fashioned ideals and want to pass them down to their kids and they don't seem to realize that some of these values they hold so close are actually archaic. How many orientals, middle easterners and more have spent their lives in unhappy relationships all due to 'what their parents want'.
You do whats right for you. You have your life to live and mom and dad can't live it for you. The best of luck to you, your husband and kid.
What should I do with these cruel comments? I understand they are your parents but that doesn't give them the right to treat you this way....They should be happy that you found someone you love and who loves and honors you....The hardest thing you may have to do is separate yourself from them...You have to stand your ground because this is not also healthy for your son who is being surrounded by all this cruelty....I do hope you find the peace within your family to surpass all this.....
What should I do with these cruel comments? Your husband and son come FIRST. Your parents are not contributing in any way to the happiness and well being of their grandson, so you are better off cutting ties with them. Your husband also will feel relief in not having to deal with them putting him down anymore.
What should I do with these cruel comments? Unfortunately, we can't pick our family. Since this has been an ongoing problem, it's unlikely that your parents are going to change. Their quite stubborn and it is not fair to your family ( husband and son). You could try to sit down with them and try to have an adult conversation where you can express your feelings. Tell them that your are happy with your life ( family) and that you would like them to stop their negative comments. If this doesn't seem as a realistic approach then write them a letter. You may want to consider putting distance between your parents. I would suggest not calling them for awhile so that you can have time to be content with your husband and son. Parents aren't perfect and tend to be set in their ways. So, place distance between your family ( parents). You don't need the stress that they are giving you. Let them miss you and your son ( I didn't mention your husband because they dislike him so much). You and your son are blood relatives and they may miss you if you avoid them for awhile. You deserve happiness!! I hope that this helps and Good Luck.
What should I do with these cruel comments? i can understand what you are going through.i would really suggest that your son wont be exposed to these comments because you never know how that will affect him in the future when he have a family and kids of his own, how about you visit them alone
one more thing .. its in the human nature to keep going after others weaknesses, so the reason that your parents STILL hard on you all these 8 year is because YOU let them, and encourage them to continue, it became a habbit to them because they DONT KNOW how to talk to you any more, they forgot how to talk to thier daughter and only CRUEL COMMENTS is left. but dont worry !!!!! with few help from you, like entering the house all CONFIDENT, show them how HAPPY you are, how much you are PROUD of your husband and child ...... but dont say it in a direct way because ' you dont tell people how wonderfull your dimonds are, because people will start wondering if there is anything wrong with the piece you are showing'
how about NLP, it teaches some tricks that could help you.
What should I do with these cruel comments? I'm not even going to get into the whole arranged marriage subject because I might just vomit. Nobody has the right to choose a man for you, regardless. Immediately they are calling you stupid and not being capable of choosing well yourself. I would be disgusted and offended with my mother if she tried to do anything like that to me. In the end they are speaking badly of themselves as parents because they raised you "this person who they consider cannot choose for her self", anyway.
Neither of you have to put up with that kind of treatment. It is not healthy for any of you. If your parents like to live miserably and selfishly then that's on them. You are responsible for your happiness and your sons well being. You must protect your son from any harm. Even if it means that he doesn't see or talk to his grandparents as often. Share good stories about your parents, so that he grows up knowing about them but keep it short and simple!
Stay away from your parents. If they call talk for short periods, be polite but try to stay as far away as possible from them.
Enjoy your husband and son. They are your family now. Create a beautiful life with them and create great moments with your son now, so that when he grows-up and has his children he can tell them what a wonderful mother you are.
DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS! WORRY ABOUT YOUR HOUSEHOLD AND PROTECT IT!!!
What should I do with these cruel comments? If my parents treated me like that and had such disrespect for me and my choices, I'd have nothing to do with them. You don't need their approval anymore, and it sounds like you'll never get it no matter how hard you try or how long you wait. Your child doesn't deserve to grow up witnessing his grandparents verbally abusing you and your husband and condemning your relationship. I think your family and your child will be much better off without these narrow minded cruel people in your lives. It shouldn't matter if they're your parents; they are making a choice to treat you this way and you should make the sensible choice for you and your family and tell them to get lost.
What should I do with these cruel comments? "but I can't dump them because they're my biological parents" Maybe YOU don't have the courage to do it but I sure as hell would.
